Introduction Revision Selection

The following piece is the first major assignment of the quarter. Which explains why my voice was not right for the audience, my organization was messy, and my thoughts were not displayed very effectively. In this revised blog entry I corrected these problems and created a piece that better portrays my intended message. You will notice that the revised version is drastically different from the original. That is because I was frustrated with the order of my ideas, so I had to rework the entire piece. I am much happier with the new version of the blog. The corrected draft comes first, followed by the original draft in italics.